


Fridays in May

by AGJ1990



Series: Abby/Kelsey Winchester [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Sam is just like John, Teen Angst, Teen Winchesters, Teenage Drama, even Sam Winchester's not perfect, grades aren't everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 12:09:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15170456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGJ1990/pseuds/AGJ1990
Summary: Sam realizes that he's more like his father than he cares to admit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The original characters of Abby and Kelsey Winchester do.

****

            It was Friday, and Abby was excited. She had a video game tournament that weekend, and she won the last two years. At fifteen, she was the youngest ever winner of Captain Jack’s Adventure’s, and she felt confident she could take the crown for a third year in a row. Abby walked downstairs and into the family kitchen, ready for breakfast, which her mom insisted everyone eat before leaving the house. Before she could even open her mouth to say good morning, her father Sam spoke from the kitchen table.

 

“What are you wearing?”

 

Abby stopped and looked down at what she was wearing, a loose fitting white t-shirt and light blue shorts. “What’s wrong with it?”

 

“Your shorts. Aren’t they a little short for school?”

 

“No. I’ve worn them before.” Abby said. She turned to her mother, who was flipping pancakes at the stove. “Mom?”

“Abby, go change.” Sam said. “Longer shorts or jeans.”

 

Abby tried to bite her tongue, but it didn’t work. “Dad, it’s gonna be ninety degrees today. I have to run around outside for gym. There’s nothing’s wrong with what I’m wearing.”

 

It was Sam’s turn to try and be patient, but it didn’t work for him either. “Abigail, go change NOW. You don’t and you won’t be doing anything but sitting in your room this weekend.”

“Mom?” Abby turned to her mother, who had just turned off the stove. “Do you think there’s anything wrong with this?”

 

            Jess sighed. She thought Abby looked fine, but she also didn’t want to contradict Sam in front of Abby or seventeen-year-old Kelsey, who was watching the scene as if it was the climax scene in a movie. Jess wanted badly to give her honest opinion, but she resisted.

 

“Go change, honey.”

 

Abby, who now felt ganged up on, nodded and turned to go back to her room. “Fine. Good morning, dad. Good morning, mom. Good morning, Kelsey. I slept great, by the way. Thanks for asking.”

 

Jess, who’d noticed the tears forming in Abby’s eyes, waited until she heard Abby’s bedroom door closed before saying anything. “Was that absolutely necessary?”

 

“What? You think I was wrong?”

 

“I think you embarrassed the hell out of her and she looked fine.” Jess said.

 

“Jess, the shorts…” Sam argued.

“Sam, she’s fifteen and two inches short of six feet tall. Everything is going to look shorter on her than it is on anyone else. She knows that, and she already feels self-conscious about how tall she is. You pointing stuff out like that is only going to make it worse.” Jess said.

 

Sam stopped arguing. “I guess I was too hard on her.”

“Sam, I know you’re worried about her. But you need to go easier on her. Just go up and apologize. Okay?”

“Yeah. I will.” Sam promised.

 

            In her room, Abby was fuming. As she changed into jeans, thinking about how hard it was going to be to get outside and run in the heat with long pants, she also wondered, far from the first time, exactly what was wrong with her. It wasn’t the first time her father had come down hard on her for what she saw as minor things. To make it worse, Abby could tell that her mother disagreed with him, and just didn’t want to fight with her dad in front of Abby and Kelsey. Abby decided to skip breakfast, even though she knew it would upset her mother. After she was changed, she grabbed her backpack and started out the door, only to nearly be knocked down when she almost ran into her father.

 

“Abby, I want to talk to you.”

 

“I changed. Is this good enough?” She asked.

 

“Honey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped on you earlier.” Sam said.

 

Abby nodded. “Okay.”

 

“Won’t jeans be too hot?”

 

“Are you kidding?” Abby asked, throwing her arms up in frustration. “That’s exactly what I said in the kitchen.”

 

“I know. Abby, I’m sorry…”

“Can I go to school now, please?” Abby asked.

 

“Sure.” Sam said, realizing he wouldn’t get far at the moment. “I’m sorry.”

“Why do you have to jump on me all the time?” Abby asked. “You don’t ever say anything to Kelsey.”

 

Sam bit back the _because I don’t have to since her attitude isn’t as bad as yours_ response that came up, and simply said, “Can we start over? Please?”

 

A horn honked and Abby thought to herself _saved by the bell_. “I’ve got to go. I’ll be late for school.”

 

            Abby left the house, still mad and embarrassed at the scene in the kitchen earlier that morning. Sam still felt bad, and tried thinking over the course of the day how to make it up to Abby. He felt just as big a disconnect from Abby as Abby felt from him. He and his older daughter Kelsey got along much better than he and Abby. Kelsey was a straight A student, loved to read, and could discuss almost any topic with Sam easily. On the rare occasion Kelsey was in trouble, Sam and Jess were able to calmly discuss it with her, and more often than not, she accepted whatever consequence they laid down. Abby was exactly the opposite. She didn’t usually refuse the consequences for her actions, but if she felt she wasn’t heard enough, she would fight with a fiery passion that Sam wished he could borrow for when he went to court. She didn’t do as well as Kelsey in school. Her grades in math and science were typically high B’s or A-‘s, and her grades in other subjects remained around C’s. School was a touchy subject between the two of them. Jess tried to remind him that Abby did her best, and pushing her to do more was likely to make her simply resent him. Sam wanted to blame Abby’s constant video gaming for what he saw as her poor performance in school. But again Jess was the calming influence. She had told him more than once that taking away Abby’s hobby, no matter how unproductive he thought it was, would make her less likely to come to them with any issues she may have.

 

            When Abby got home that afternoon, she was beginning to feel slightly remorseful for how she’d treated Sam earlier that morning. She knew he was trying to make it up to her, and she had only made it more difficult for him. When she walked into the kitchen, Jess had just begun to make dinner.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hi, mom.” Abby said, walking over to give her a hug.

 

Jess put down the spoon she had in her hand and hugged her back. “How was school?”

 

“It was good.” Abby said, though she couldn’t resist adding, “I was burning up by the end of PE, though.”

 

Jess sighed again. “I know your dad was a jerk this morning. I talked to him after you went back to your room. But you know he loves you, right?”

 

“I know he does. It just doesn’t always feel like he does when he can’t say anything nice to me.”

 

“Oh, honey. I know he’s hard on you. But please, for me, give him another chance?” Jess asked. “I hate it when you two are arguing.”

 

Abby smiled. “I’ll try if he does.”

 

“That’s all I can ask. Thank you.” Jess said. “You have any homework?”

“I did it in school.” Abby answered. “Can I help with dinner?”

“I would love some help.” As Abby washed her hands, the front door opened, and in walked Kelsey and Sam. “Hey, guys! We’re in here!”

 

“Hi, mom!” Kelsey said, greeting her mom warmly.

“Hey, Kelsey.”

“Hi, Dad.” Abby said.

 

“Hey, sweetie.” Sam said.

 

“I’m sorry about this morning.” Abby said right away.

 

“Me too.” Sam said. “Me too.”

 

Abby nodded and smiled, for the moment putting the fight from that morning behind them.

 

“Report cards came!” Kelsey called from the living room; she had gone to check the mailbox.

 

“Let me see.” Sam said, taking them form Kelsey and opening hers first. “Good job, kiddo. I’m proud of you.”

 

“Let me guess.” Jess said. “Straight A’s.”

 

“But of course.” Kelsey said with a smile, making Abby sick to her stomach.

 

Sam opened Abby’s, and his expression immediately changed to one of barely repressed anger. “Abigail? Do you have something to tell me and your mother?”

 

“What?” Abby asked.

 

“What’s your English grade?” Sam asked, handing the report card over to Jess.

 

“I don’t know. C?”

“Try D-. And your social studies grade is a C-. Any reason those two grades have gone down nearly twenty points since your last report card?” Sam asked, his voice rising slowly.

 

“I don’t know. I’ve done all my work.” Abby said, honestly at a loss for the drop in her grades.

 

“Obviously you haven’t done something!” Sam said.

 

“Sam, calm down.” Jess said. “Abby, this is serious.”

“Mom, I don’t know!” Abby said. “I swear, I don’t know. All the papers I’ve gotten back have been passing.”

“Have they all been 77 or higher?” Sam asked.

 

Abby swallowed. “No.”

 

“Abby, honey, why didn’t you tell us? You know the rule.” Jess said, referring to her and Sam’s minimum grades of C or above.

“I know, mom, I’m sorry.” Abby said. “I didn’t want to make you guys disappointed in me.”

 

“I’m disappointed, but more about you lying to us about your grades than the actual grades. If you had come to me and your mom, we would have gotten you a tutor.”

 

“I still passed.” Abby argued.

 

“Barely!” Sam said. “You know the rule. C or above.”

 

“I know…”

“Good. So this won’t come as a surprise. You’re grounded.” Sam said.

 

Abby wasn’t surprised, but her video game tournament was on her mind. “Please just let me do tomorrow…”

“No. No electronics except for homework, no video games, no TV, no going out with friends. The only thing you’re going to be doing from now until the next report card is studying. And if you haven’t brought both those grades up to a B by then, no conference either.”

 

Abby’s mouth fell open. “But I paid for that conference already!”

 

“Then I guess you better work your butt off then. Because if you don’t bring those grades up, you’re not going.”

 

“I’ll work the whole summer, I’ll do whatever else you want, just please don’t take that away from me.” Abby begged.

 

“If your grades come back up, you can go.” Sam said. When Abby turned towards Jess, Sam cut her off. “Don’t go to your mom.”

“Abby, not this time. I agree with your dad on this one.”

“Fine.” Abby said. “You always tell me I have to work hard for what I want. I guess that only applies if it’s something you two want too. I’ll be in my room.”

            Just as that morning, Abby left and went to her room. The kitchen was now silent. Both Jess and Sam were fighting the urge to take back their threat to not let Abby go to the conference. She had worked a part time job every Saturday for eight straight months in order to pay for it. Sam was the one to break the silence.

 

“Do you think the conference was too much?”

Jess sighed. “No. I hate it with a passion, but no. But, I think we need to make it clear to her that she doesn’t have to do this by herself. We’ll get her a tutor, we’ll help her ourselves. Getting that grade up thirteen points and seven points is going to take more work than she can do by herself.”

 

Sam nodded. “You’re right.”

 

“Sam. I _am_ with you on this one. But you’re going to have to _encourage_ her along the way too. You can’t just tell her to do this and not make her feel like it’s possible. Okay?”

 

“I got it.” Sam said. “You want me to talk to her?”

 

“I’ll go.” Jess said.

 

“Mom? I’ll help Abby too.” Kelsey said from the table.

 

“Thanks, babe.” Jess said. “Can you two finish dinner?”

 

            Jess walked up the stairs and headed to Abby’s room. The door was still open, and Jess heard sniffling. She expected to find Abby crying on her bed, but was surprised to see her sitting at her desk with her schoolbooks open. Jess knocked on the door, but Abby didn’t bother to look up.

 

“Can I come in?”

 

Abby sniffed again. “I guess.”

 

Jess walked in and grabbed a chair Abby kept next to her closet. As she placed it next to Abby’s desk, she asked, “What are you working on?”

 

“Homework.” Abby answered, wiping her face.

 

“It’s hard to do homework when you’re crying.” Jess said. “Talk to me, please.”

 

“You and dad said everything there is to say downstairs.” Abby said bitterly. “You made yourself pretty clear. I didn’t work hard enough in school, so you’re taking away what I did work for.”

 

 

“Abby, look at me.” Jess said, slightly more firmly than before but still compassionate. Abby was slow in responding, but Jess waited her out, and when Abby did look up, Jess wiped her face and said, “I understand it seems harsh right now.”

 

“Mom…”

“Don’t interrupt me.” Jess said. “I understand it seems harsh right now. I know this conference means a lot to you. I am proud of you for working so hard to go. And I want you to go. But you know that if you don’t follow the rules your dad and I set out, we will take stuff from you. Now, I want you to think about this before you answer. Did you really not know that your grades were going down?”

 

Abby squirmed. “I thought they might be.”

 

“So why didn’t you come to us?”

 

“Because you guys make such a big deal over Kelsey’s grades. It made me feel stupid to admit I needed help.” Abby said.

 

Sam, who had appeared at the door, couldn’t keep quiet at that. “You’re not stupid.” When Abby looked up, Sam asked, “Can I come in?”

 

Abby nodded.

“Honey, you are not stupid. I’m sorry I made you feel that way, but you’re not stupid.” Sam said.

 

“Then why can’t I do as well as Kelsey can?”

 

“Sweetheart, listen. We know you try hard. We’re not asking you to be a straight A student like your sister. But we know you can do better than this.” Jess explained. “And we’re not expecting you to do it completely on your own. Your dad and I will help you. We’ll get you a tutor. Kelsey will help. We’re not throwing you out to drown. We’ll help.”

 

“I don’t know if I can do it, mom.” Abby said.

 

“We know you can.” Jess said, still wiping tears off Abby’s crying face. “We’re here for you. Okay?”

 

Abby nodded.

 

“How about this?” Jess asked. “Put your schoolbooks away. Come eat dinner with me and your dad and sister. We’ll talk about anything except school. We’ll start tomorrow on studying for school.”

“Okay. Thanks, mom.” Abby said.

“Abby?” Sam asked. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad about yourself. I just want you to do your best, baby. I know we don’t always get along, but I do love you. Do you believe me?”

 

“I believe you.” Abby said. “I love you too, Dad.”

            Abby made up her mind that night to bring up her grades no matter what. She knew both her parents loved her, and just wanted what was best for her. The constant reassurance from both her parents, and even the help from her older sister, gave her the desire to keep going. She missed her video games, but the confidence she gained in her academics made the six week long struggle worth it. Finally, report cards came out again. Abby opened hers holding her breath, then took the results to her mother.

 

“Hey, mom. Can we talk?”

 

“Sure, sweetie.” Jess said. “What’s up?”

 

“Report cards came out again.”

“And?” Jess asked.

“Good news, bad news.” Abby said. “The good news is my social studies grade is a B+.”

 

“Abby, that’s fantastic!” Jess said seriously. “What could possibly be the bad news?”

 

Abby handed the report card to her mom. “English is a C+. I’m one point away from a B-.”

 

“Oh.” Jess said. “That’s still great, baby.”

“Good enough to go to the conference?”

 

            Jess was torn. The deal had been two B’s. Jess believed Abby deserved her trip. She had worked harder than Jess had ever seen before, and she had brought each of her grades up one whole letter grade in just a few weeks. Deciding to risk a fight with Sam, Jess answered,

“If your dad says it’s okay, you can go.”

 

The change in Abby was immediate. She lit up in a smile and squealed in delight, grabbing her mom’s neck in a tight hug.

 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, mom! You’re the best!”

 

“I’m very, very proud of you. Just promise me you’ll keep up the hard work, okay?” Jess said.

 

“I will, mom, I promise.”

 

“Promise what?” Sam asked.

 _Sam, don’t screw this up,_ Jess thought. “Report cards came out today.” She said, handing the card over to Sam.

 

“Let’s see.” Sam quickly scanned the card.

 

Abby waited with baited breath for his verdict.

 

“Sweetie, I’m sorry. I do see where you’ve done a lot better, but the deal was two B’s.” Sam said. “The conference is out.”

 

“Sam…” Jess said.

 

“Don’t bother, mom.” A devastated Abby said. “I get it. I didn’t do a good enough job. I’ll be in my room.”

“Abby…”

 

            Abby pushed past Sam, and for the third time in six weeks, Sam felt like the world’s crappiest dad. He knew it was harsh, but he felt it was necessary. All the reasoning in the world, however, did not prevent him from feeling Jess’s eyes boring into the back of his head.

 

“Say it.”

 

“That you’re an idiot? Okay, you’re an idiot.” Jess said.

 

“The deal was for two B’s.” Sam said.

 

“Sam she is _one point_ away from the B.” Jess said. “One point. She has pulled her social studies grade up seven points, and her English grade twelve points. She has worked her ass off, and you cannot say that’s not worth a reward.”

“I never said she wouldn’t get a reward for it. She’s got her video game privileges back.” Sam argued.

 

Jess shook her head. “You know as well as I do that she did all that work for two things. One was that conference. And I’m worried if you don’t change your mind that she’s going to give up trying because she doesn’t see the point.”

 

“What’s the other thing?” Sam asked.

 

“What?”

“You said she did all that work for two things. What’s the other thing?” Sam asked.

 

“Think about it and figure it out.” Jess said. “I’m going up to talk to Abby.”

            Just as Jess reached Abby’s bedroom door, she heard Sam go outside. Abby was laying on her bed, a familiar binder out in front of her. It was the three ring binder she’d used to organize her trip to the conference. Schedules, a log of how much she’d worked and what she got paid for it, a list of things she wanted to ask some of the game developers who were attending. Jess’s heart ached as she watched Abby. True, she was just as lost as Sam when it came to understanding Abby’s passion for gaming, but Jess saw how happy it made Abby to be good at something, so she made a genuine effort not to criticize it.

 

“What are you working on?”

 

Abby looked up with the saddest eyes her mom had ever seen. “Just thinking about what I’ll be missing.”

 

“What will you be missing?” Jess asked. “Is there a special reason you wanted to go to this conference so badly?”

 

“What does it matter now?” Abby asked. “Dad already said I can’t go. And you’re not gonna go against him.”

 

“I’m sorry, honey. I really, really am. Please don’t hate us for this.”

 

“I just don’t get it.” Abby said. “You always tell me that grades aren’t the most important thing.”

“Yes, but they are important.”

 

“I get that. I do. I just wanted…” Abby said, then shook her head as if the effort was futile.

 

“Wanted what, baby? Come on, help me here.” Jess said.

 

“I wanted a genuine compliment from Dad. One that didn’t come after us fighting.” Abby said. “I just wanted him to say something nice to me.”

 

“He’s been cheering you on this whole time.”

“Yeah, he’s been telling me I _can_ do it.” Abby said. “But I can’t remember the last time he actually complimented me on something I had already done. He’s always telling Kelsey she’s smart or she’s pretty. He never says stuff like that to me unless you make him.”

 

“He told you that the night he grounded you.” Jess pointed out.

 

“He told me I wasn’t stupid. That’s not the same thing.” Abby responded. “I’m just tired of it being so hard to talk to him about anything. I…”

“What, honey?” Jess said after a long pause.

 

“I thought about asking Dad if he’d go to counselling with me. I don’t want to fight all the time.” Abby said. “Is that a dumb idea?”

 

“I think that’s a great idea!” Jess said.

“Really?” Abby asked. “What if Dad doesn’t go for it?”

  “I’ll make him go for it.” Jess said. “And I want you to remember something. No matter what you think anyone thinks about you, I don’t ever want you to doubt that I think you are a smart, pretty, funny, courageous, and kind person, and I am incredibly proud of you. Understand?”

 

“I understand.” Abby said. “Thanks, mom.”

“And if you ever need to hear that again, come find me, call me, text me. Whatever and however you need to hear it. I’ll write it down for you and hang it up on your wall if you want.” Jess offered. “Okay?”

 

“Okay, mom. Thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome.” Jess said. “I’m going to talk to your dad, okay? But I want you to think about something. I’ve seen how happy it made you to do better in school. Please keep trying that hard. Not for me, not for your dad, but for _yourself_. Okay? Please?”

 

“I will, mom.”

 

“Good girl.” Jess said. “I’ll be back.”

 

            Just as Jess was getting back to the kitchen, Sam was coming back inside. He’d called Dean to blow off steam about the situation, but ended up getting an earful from him too. _I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’re treating her just like Dad treated you. Only this time it’s not hunting and school. It’s school and games. If she really did bust her ass the last few weeks, and she’s that close to what you wanted, let her go as long as she promises to keep it up. If you don’t, she’ll pull away from you like you pulled away from dad. Is that what you want?_ Knowing it was not in fact even close to what he wanted, Sam knew what he had to do. He prepared to go up the stairs towards Abby’s room when he was stopped by Jess.

 

“Sit down. We need to talk.”

 

“I was going up to Abby’s room to tell her she could go to the conference.” Sam said.

Jess was surprised, to say the least, but firm in her resolve. “That’s good, but there’s a lot more going on here. Sit down.”

 

“What does that mean?” Sam asked as he took his chair.

 

Jess took Sam’s hands in her own and said, “Babe, listen to me. School gets out in one week. I need you to promise me, at least until next year, you are done tracking Abby’s grades. Let me handle that.”   


“Look, I know I’m tough on her about that…”

“And everything else. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you _are_ tougher on Abby than you are on Kelsey. And she feels it, and it hurts. A lot.” Jess said.

 

Sam chuckled humorlessly. “That’s the second time I’ve heard that phrase today.” “What do you mean?”

“I called Dean to blow off steam about this. He said exactly what you said. ‘I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’re treating her exactly like Dad treated you. If she really did bust her ass the last few weeks, and she’s that close to what you wanted, let her go or she’ll pull away from you like you pulled away from Dad’.” Sam recounted. “I don’t want that.”   


“Is he talking about when you left for Stanford?” Jess asked. Sam nodded, and Jess said, “He’s got a point.”   


“I know. I just wish I could talk to her and be connected with her like I am with Kelsey.”

 

Jess shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah. About that. Abby brought up the idea of you two going to counselling.”

 

“That’s actually not a bad idea.”

 

“You mean you’re for it?” Jess asked, relieved she didn’t have to talk him into it.

 

“I always wanted to try something like that with my dad, but he didn’t believe in therapy.” Sam said. “He hardly ever admitted we had any problems.”

 

“Things can be different for you two.” Jess assured him. “Abby wants to feel close to you too. Maybe sitting down and talking everything out will help.”

 

“Dad?”

 

Sam glanced up from the table and saw Abby in the doorway. “Hey.”

 

“Hey.” Abby said. “Did mom tell you my idea?” “She did. I think it’s an awesome idea.”

 

Abby smiled; it was the first genuine compliment she remembered getting from him in a long time. “Really?”

“Yeah. I do.” Sam said. “I’m just sorry things got so bad that we need it.”

 

“Look, I’ve been thinking. You’re right. I didn’t hold up my end of the deal. So I’ll stay home instead of going to the…”

 

“You’re going to that conference.” Sam said, and bit back a laugh when Abby’s face lit up. “It was wrong of me to take that off the table in the first place. I’m proud of you for working so hard for it.”

 

“You mean it?”

 

“As long as you promise me you’ll keep working hard in school, yes.” Sam said. Before he knew what was coming, Sam had a lap full of Abby, who was flinging her arms around his neck. “What’s this for?”

“You’re the best.” Abby said, kissing his cheek.

 

“You’re the best.” Sam repeated. As he hugged her back, he said, “Baby, I’m sorry things have gotten so bad. You do know I love you, right?”

 

Abby sighed. “I don’t doubt you love me. I never have. I just don’t think you like me very much. I feel like you don’t want to take the time to know me like you do Kelsey.”

 

“Well, how about we fix that?” Sam asked. “We can hash all that out with the counselor. Right now, how about we go to the movies tonight? Just you and me?”

 

“Really?” Abby asked.

 

“Really. Come on, let’s go.”

 

“I’m gonna go change out of my school clothes. Be right back.” Abby said.

 

As she dashed up the stairs, Sam turned to Jess. “Guess I’ve got a date with another woman tonight.”

 

“You’re doing a good thing. It might be hard, but you won’t regret it.” Jess said. “You know, though, counselling might not be all roses and sunshine. You might hit some more rough spots before it starts to work.”

 

“I know. But if it keeps me and Abby from pulling apart, it’s worth it.”

 

“Dad, I’m ready! Let’s go!” An excited Abby called from the stairs.

 

“Coming!” Sam shouted with a smile. “Bye, babe. We might be late.”

“Take all the time you two want.” Jess said. “I mean that. Bye.” When she heard the front door shut, she whispered to herself, “Please, let this work. I love you both so much.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Welcome back, guys. Come on in.”

 

Sam and Abby walked in and sat down in the same seats from the week before.

 

“So, how are you guys?” Jack asked. “Sam, did you do what I gave you to do?”

  
“I did.”

 

“And? What’d you learn?” Jack asked.

 

“That I’m a lot more negative with Abby than I ever realized.” Sam answered.   
  
“Was it hard to hold your tongue at any point this week?”

 

“In the beginning it was.” Sam admitted.

 

“How so?” Jack asked.

 

“Well, she made a joke when we got home, and I almost snapped at her for it.” Sam said. “There was one night that I caught her up playing video games way past bedtime. That one was kind of tough.”   
  
“What’d you do that night?”   


“I asked her to go to bed.” Sam said.

 

“Abby, is that true? How was your dad this week?”

 

“A completely different guy.” Abby said.

 

“How so?”

 

“Well, if it had been a month ago, and he caught me playing games after bedtime, I would have gotten a long lecture and probably grounded. We would have been mad at each other for days. But this time, he just asked nicely and told me to have a good night.” Abby said.

 

“That’s very good. I’m impressed, Sam.” Jack said.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Okay, guys. This is what we’re doing today. Can one of you tell me the rules I set out last week about listening and interrupting?” Jack asked.

 

“Listen to what the other person’s saying without interrupting.” Abby said.

 

“Perfect.” Jack said. “That’s going to be very important today. What we’re going to do first is this. Abby, I want you to list your father’s worst qualities-what he really needs to work on.”   


“What?” Abby asked, shocked at the unusual question.

 

“I want you to list your father’s worst qualities. You can say whatever you want, as long as it’s honestly how you feel.”

 

Abby squirmed. “I don’t want to do that.”   


“Why not?” Jack asked.

 

“Because I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

 

“Can I jump in?” Sam asked.

 

“As long as whatever you say doesn’t influence what she has to say.” Jack said.

 

“Abby, listen. Remember last week when we got home? The promise you made me make to you?” Sam asked.

 

“If you work hard on this, I will too?”

 

“Exactly.” Sam said. “We’re not going to get better unless we really talk to each other. The easy and the hard stuff. I promise, no matter what gets said in here, I won’t be mad.”

 

“You promise?”

 

“Promise.” Sam said.

 

“Okay.” Abby said, still unsure about herself.  “Well, the main thing is that you’re nicer to Kelsey than you are to me.”

 

“Honey…”   
  
“Sam.” Jack said gently. “No interrupting. Let her finish. You can respond later if you want.”

 

Sam bit his tongue, but nodded and said nothing else.

 

The more Abby talked, the more her reluctance went away. “Until last week, you never said anything nice to me unless mom made you do it. You never talk to me about anything I want to talk about. Every conversation we have goes back to school or how I play too many video games. You make me feel like I’m lazy and I’m not good for anything other than making you mad. I already feel like I’m freakishly tall, but you have to point it out every time something doesn’t look right on me. It’s like you’re not happy unless I go to school wondering what else is wrong with me.”

Abby paused to take a breath.

 

“Is that everything, Abby?” Jack asked. “It’s okay if it’s not.”

 

“That’s it.” Abby said.

 

“Okay. That was good. It really was.”

 

“Thanks.” Abby said quietly, suddenly unable to look at anyone else.

 

“Is there a reason you’re having a hard time looking at your dad?” Jack asked. “Is that the first time you’ve said all that out loud?”   
  
“All at one time.” Abby said.

  
“Okay. Abby, listen. I know that was hard. But you really did do very well, sweetie. You took a good first step.” Jack said. “Do you need a break?”

 

“No. I’m okay.”

 

“Alright. It’s your dad’s turn now. Are you ready?” Jack asked. Abby took a deep breath and nodded, so Jack turned to Sam. “Sam, wait a minute before you say anything about what Abby just told you.”

 

“But I can’t just let it go.”

 

“You’re not. You do need to respond, and I want you to. This is going to sound weird, but I don’t want you to respond to anything she said about feeling like you favor Kelsey. We’ll cover all that in a separate session. Okay?” Jack asked.

 

“I need to say something…” Sam said, desperate for Abby to know he cared about her too.  
  
“Sam, please just trust me. There’s a lot behind how Abby feels about you and her sister. More than we have time to discuss right now. Let’s do that at another time.” Jack turned to Abby, who was still looking at the floor. “Abby, do you understand why I want to hold off and talk about that later? Are you okay with that?”

 

“It’s fine.” Abby said.

 

“Okay. So, Sam, right now, I just want you to respond to the other things she said. Alright? Remember what I said before. Rephrase and respond. Got it?”

 

“Got it.” Sam said. He cleared his throat. “I make her feel like she’s lazy, I make her feel self-conscious about her height, and make her wonder what’s wrong with her.”

 

“You missed one.” Jack said.

 

Sam looked puzzled for a moment, then realized, “She has a hard time just talking to me.”   


“Okay, good. Very good. Now, what’s your response?”

 

Sam turned to Abby and said sincerely, “Baby, I’m so sorry. I guess, in a way, I did think you were lazy. And it bothered me that you didn’t seem to do so well in school. I did that because my dad never really cared about how I did. He didn’t think it was important at all.”

 

Abby finally stopped staring at the floor and turned to her dad in surprise. “Really?”

 

“Yeah, really. I just want you to have the opportunities my dad tried to take from me. I didn’t want you to have to work and fight so hard for them. But I guess, in the process of that, I lost your trust in me.”

 

Abby wanted to dispute him, but it was true; she didn’t really trust him.

 

“And as for how you look? Baby, when you were born, I thought you were the prettiest little girl I’d ever seen. And you’ve gotten more and more beautiful each day. It doesn’t matter to me how tall you are or how you look on the outside.”

 

“Can I say something?” Abby said suddenly, raising her hand and looking back at Jack.

 

“Sure.”

 

She turned back to Sam and demanded, “If it doesn’t matter, then why do you comment on it _all the time_? ‘Abby, those shorts are too short. Your hair isn’t brushed well enough. That shirt is too loose on you. That shirt is too tight on you. You should let your hair grow out.’ You say something like that to me every single day. It grates on my nerves, and worse, I hear it through my head all day while I’m trying to focus on other things.”

 

Sam was stunned. He remembered saying all those things, and more, but didn’t realize how they sounded when they were repeated back to him.

 

“Would you say all that to mom?” Abby asked. “Even if you did think that?”

 

“No.” Sam answered. “I wouldn’t.”   
  
“Why?” Abby asked.

 

Sam, a deep sense of regret pooling inside him, said, “Because it would hurt her feelings.”

 

“But it’s okay to hurt mine.” Abby said pointedly.

 

“Abby, Sam.” Jack said. “I don’t want you two to get caught in a loop here arguing, so I’m going to mediate this so we can move on. Sam, do you disagree with anything Abby just said?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then apologize and move on.” Jack said gently.

 

“Abby, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll make an effort to not say anything about your looks, unless I have something nice to say. And if I forget, confront me about it. I promise not to get mad.”

 

Abby wanted to hold on to the hurt and the anger that was welling up in her, but she remembered what she’d said to Sam about not holding grudges when he apologized anymore. She could see he meant it, and wanted to work on making their relationship better. So she nodded and smiled. She still felt wary about whether or not things would change, but she decided to take the chance.

 

“Good.” Jack said. “Anything else you want to say, Sam?”

 

“Just that I’ll try and do better about talking to her.”

 

“Good.” Jack said.  

 

Abby shrugged. “I guess just that I appreciate it. I believe he’s sincere.”

 

“Okay. Good. Now, Sam, your turn. I know it’s probably hard after last week, but I want you to tell Abby what you think she needs to work on.” When Sam groaned, Jack reminded him, “Remember, we have to get the bad stuff out before we can start working on it.”

 

Sam nodded. He knew Jack was right, but the thought of saying anything even remotely negative to Abby after a week of no arguments made him fearful. “Okay. It, uh, it feels like I can’t say anything to her sometimes without it turning into a fight.” Sam was grateful Abby was looking away and didn’t see him squirm at how much like his father he sounded. _Sam, can’t you just listen to me without fighting for once? Please?_ He pushed the memory down and continued. “I feel like she’s closer to her mom than me, and maybe that’s my fault, but it hurts to watch.”

 

“Are you jealous?” Jack asked.

 

“It sounds petty, but yes. I am.” Sam said.

 

“It’s not petty. And that’s why you’re here-to work out how you’re both feeling. We can’t do that if you don’t let everything out in the open.”

 

Sam nodded. “That’s pretty much it. I just wish I could talk to her like I do Kelsey. Get through to her that I just want to be there for her.”

 

“Okay. Very good. Abby? Remember-rephrase and respond.”

 

“He feels like he can’t talk without fighting, and he wishes I was as close to him as I am to my mom.” Abby said.

“Perfect.” Jack said. “Go ahead.”

 

Abby took a deep breath, then turned to face Sam to respond directly to him. “I’m sorry. I don’t try to fight with you. But I feel like I have to put a wall up around you. Until this last week, everything you said to me was some kind of criticism. I guess I got tired of hearing it over and over again, so I thought if you didn’t have to be nice to me, I shouldn’t have to be nice to you.”

 

Sam nodded, sad that Abby was actually making a lot of sense.

 

“I’m closer to mom because mom will talk to me. She’ll ask me why I’m upset, or angry, or frustrated and she’ll _listen_. She doesn’t try to lecture me and tell me how everything that’s wrong in my life could be fixed by working harder in school or playing video games less.”

 

 _Damn is she trying to squish me like a bug?_ Sam thought.

 

“And why do you have to get through to me? Isn’t it exhausting to have to constantly try and talk to me with something in mind? Why can’t you just have a conversation with me? Is it that hard?”

 

“Abby, slow down a little.” Jack said. “You made some good points. Is there anything else you want to say?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay. Good, really good both of you. Do you want to say anything to Abby’s response, Sam?”

 

“I think I need to think about it first. But everything she said makes sense.” Sam said. “And I’m sorry it’s been so hard for us to talk. I’ll work on that.”

 

“Do you two feel like you understand each other a little more now?” Jack asked.

 

“I do.” Abby said.

 

“Me too.” Sam said.

 

“Alright. Our time for this week’s almost up. You both have a homework assignment. I want you both to work on what you brought up this week. Sam, keep up what you were doing last week. Try to focus more on the positive things about Abby. You don’t have to completely cut out the negative things anymore, but use them very, very sparingly. Does that make sense?”

 

“I guess.”

 

“Think about it this way. When you say something to Abby that’s positive, that lifts her up, it’s like eating all her fruits and vegetables. It’s good for her. It gives her something to work on, something to focus on. Something to think about when she’s struggling or having a bad day. But when you focus on what’s wrong with her, it’s like feeding her cookies for dinner. Once in a while won’t hurt her, but you don’t want to make it a pattern or it could really hurt her. Does that make more sense?”

 

“Yeah. Actually, it does. Thanks.”

 

“Talk to her without any kind of an agenda. Let her set the tone at first, then you two can take turns deciding what to talk about. Make sense?” Sam nodded, and Jack moved on to Abby. “Abby, I want you to try and talk to your dad a little more this week too. It’ll be hard, but I want you to work on bringing that wall down. Give your dad a chance. Promise?”

 

“Promise.”

 

“One more thing. Sam, if you needed to, could you take Abby to your work with you?” Jack asked.

 

“I guess. Why?”

 

“Because next week, I want to work on you understanding Abby’s video game hobby a little more, but before we can do that, I want her to understand you a little better. Use the time you two are talking to talk about your hobbies if you want. Show her what you like to do in your spare time. But I want her to see what you do for a living, and I want you to talk to her about why you like what you do.” Jack said.

 

“I can do that.”

 

“Alright, that’s it.” Jack said. “I’ll see you guys next week.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Welcome back, guys. Come on in.”

 

Sam and Abby walked in and sat down in the same seats from the week before.

 

“So, how are you guys?” Jack asked. “Sam, did you do what I gave you to do?”

  
“I did.”

 

“And? What’d you learn?” Jack asked.

 

“That I’m a lot more negative with Abby than I ever realized.” Sam answered.   
  
“Was it hard to hold your tongue at any point this week?”

 

“In the beginning it was.” Sam admitted.

 

“How so?” Jack asked.

 

“Well, she made a joke when we got home, and I almost snapped at her for it.” Sam said. “There was one night that I caught her up playing video games way past bedtime. That one was kind of tough.”   
  
“What’d you do that night?”   


“I asked her to go to bed.” Sam said.

 

“Abby, is that true? How was your dad this week?”

 

“A completely different guy.” Abby said.

 

“How so?”

 

“Well, if it had been a month ago, and he caught me playing games after bedtime, I would have gotten a long lecture and probably grounded. We would have been mad at each other for days. But this time, he just asked nicely and told me to have a good night.” Abby said.

 

“That’s very good. I’m impressed, Sam.” Jack said.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Okay, guys. This is what we’re doing today. Can one of you tell me the rules I set out last week about listening and interrupting?” Jack asked.

 

“Listen to what the other person’s saying without interrupting.” Abby said.

 

“Perfect.” Jack said. “That’s going to be very important today. What we’re going to do first is this. Abby, I want you to list your father’s worst qualities-what he really needs to work on.”   


“What?” Abby asked, shocked at the unusual question.

 

“I want you to list your father’s worst qualities. You can say whatever you want, as long as it’s honestly how you feel.”

 

Abby squirmed. “I don’t want to do that.”   


“Why not?” Jack asked.

 

“Because I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

 

“Can I jump in?” Sam asked.

 

“As long as whatever you say doesn’t influence what she has to say.” Jack said.

 

“Abby, listen. Remember last week when we got home? The promise you made me make to you?” Sam asked.

 

“If you work hard on this, I will too?”

 

“Exactly.” Sam said. “We’re not going to get better unless we really talk to each other. The easy and the hard stuff. I promise, no matter what gets said in here, I won’t be mad.”

 

“You promise?”

 

“Promise.” Sam said.

 

“Okay.” Abby said, still unsure about herself.  “Well, the main thing is that you’re nicer to Kelsey than you are to me.”

 

“Honey…”   
  
“Sam.” Jack said gently. “No interrupting. Let her finish. You can respond later if you want.”

 

Sam bit his tongue, but nodded and said nothing else.

 

The more Abby talked, the more her reluctance went away. “Until last week, you never said anything nice to me unless mom made you do it. You never talk to me about anything I want to talk about. Every conversation we have goes back to school or how I play too many video games. You make me feel like I’m lazy and I’m not good for anything other than making you mad. I already feel like I’m freakishly tall, but you have to point it out every time something doesn’t look right on me. It’s like you’re not happy unless I go to school wondering what else is wrong with me.”

Abby paused to take a breath.

 

“Is that everything, Abby?” Jack asked. “It’s okay if it’s not.”

 

“That’s it.” Abby said.

 

“Okay. That was good. It really was.”

 

“Thanks.” Abby said quietly, suddenly unable to look at anyone else.

 

“Is there a reason you’re having a hard time looking at your dad?” Jack asked. “Is that the first time you’ve said all that out loud?”   
  
“All at one time.” Abby said.

  
“Okay. Abby, listen. I know that was hard. But you really did do very well, sweetie. You took a good first step.” Jack said. “Do you need a break?”

 

“No. I’m okay.”

 

“Alright. It’s your dad’s turn now. Are you ready?” Jack asked. Abby took a deep breath and nodded, so Jack turned to Sam. “Sam, wait a minute before you say anything about what Abby just told you.”

 

“But I can’t just let it go.”

 

“You’re not. You do need to respond, and I want you to. This is going to sound weird, but I don’t want you to respond to anything she said about feeling like you favor Kelsey. We’ll cover all that in a separate session. Okay?” Jack asked.

 

“I need to say something…” Sam said, desperate for Abby to know he cared about her too.  
  
“Sam, please just trust me. There’s a lot behind how Abby feels about you and her sister. More than we have time to discuss right now. Let’s do that at another time.” Jack turned to Abby, who was still looking at the floor. “Abby, do you understand why I want to hold off and talk about that later? Are you okay with that?”

 

“It’s fine.” Abby said.

 

“Okay. So, Sam, right now, I just want you to respond to the other things she said. Alright? Remember what I said before. Rephrase and respond. Got it?”

 

“Got it.” Sam said. He cleared his throat. “I make her feel like she’s lazy, I make her feel self-conscious about her height, and make her wonder what’s wrong with her.”

 

“You missed one.” Jack said.

 

Sam looked puzzled for a moment, then realized, “She has a hard time just talking to me.”   


“Okay, good. Very good. Now, what’s your response?”

 

Sam turned to Abby and said sincerely, “Baby, I’m so sorry. I guess, in a way, I did think you were lazy. And it bothered me that you didn’t seem to do so well in school. I did that because my dad never really cared about how I did. He didn’t think it was important at all.”

 

Abby finally stopped staring at the floor and turned to her dad in surprise. “Really?”

 

“Yeah, really. I just want you to have the opportunities my dad tried to take from me. I didn’t want you to have to work and fight so hard for them. But I guess, in the process of that, I lost your trust in me.”

 

Abby wanted to dispute him, but it was true; she didn’t really trust him.

 

“And as for how you look? Baby, when you were born, I thought you were the prettiest little girl I’d ever seen. And you’ve gotten more and more beautiful each day. It doesn’t matter to me how tall you are or how you look on the outside.”

 

“Can I say something?” Abby said suddenly, raising her hand and looking back at Jack.

 

“Sure.”

 

She turned back to Sam and demanded, “If it doesn’t matter, then why do you comment on it _all the time_? ‘Abby, those shorts are too short. Your hair isn’t brushed well enough. That shirt is too loose on you. That shirt is too tight on you. You should let your hair grow out.’ You say something like that to me every single day. It grates on my nerves, and worse, I hear it through my head all day while I’m trying to focus on other things.”

 

Sam was stunned. He remembered saying all those things, and more, but didn’t realize how they sounded when they were repeated back to him.

 

“Would you say all that to mom?” Abby asked. “Even if you did think that?”

 

“No.” Sam answered. “I wouldn’t.”   
  
“Why?” Abby asked.

 

Sam, a deep sense of regret pooling inside him, said, “Because it would hurt her feelings.”

 

“But it’s okay to hurt mine.” Abby said pointedly.

 

“Abby, Sam.” Jack said. “I don’t want you two to get caught in a loop here arguing, so I’m going to mediate this so we can move on. Sam, do you disagree with anything Abby just said?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then apologize and move on.” Jack said gently.

 

“Abby, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll make an effort to not say anything about your looks, unless I have something nice to say. And if I forget, confront me about it. I promise not to get mad.”

 

Abby wanted to hold on to the hurt and the anger that was welling up in her, but she remembered what she’d said to Sam about not holding grudges when he apologized anymore. She could see he meant it, and wanted to work on making their relationship better. So she nodded and smiled. She still felt wary about whether or not things would change, but she decided to take the chance.

 

“Good.” Jack said. “Anything else you want to say, Sam?”

 

“Just that I’ll try and do better about talking to her.”

 

“Good.” Jack said.  

 

Abby shrugged. “I guess just that I appreciate it. I believe he’s sincere.”

 

“Okay. Good. Now, Sam, your turn. I know it’s probably hard after last week, but I want you to tell Abby what you think she needs to work on.” When Sam groaned, Jack reminded him, “Remember, we have to get the bad stuff out before we can start working on it.”

 

Sam nodded. He knew Jack was right, but the thought of saying anything even remotely negative to Abby after a week of no arguments made him fearful. “Okay. It, uh, it feels like I can’t say anything to her sometimes without it turning into a fight.” Sam was grateful Abby was looking away and didn’t see him squirm at how much like his father he sounded. _Sam, can’t you just listen to me without fighting for once? Please?_ He pushed the memory down and continued. “I feel like she’s closer to her mom than me, and maybe that’s my fault, but it hurts to watch.”

 

“Are you jealous?” Jack asked.

 

“It sounds petty, but yes. I am.” Sam said.

 

“It’s not petty. And that’s why you’re here-to work out how you’re both feeling. We can’t do that if you don’t let everything out in the open.”

 

Sam nodded. “That’s pretty much it. I just wish I could talk to her like I do Kelsey. Get through to her that I just want to be there for her.”

 

“Okay. Very good. Abby? Remember-rephrase and respond.”

 

“He feels like he can’t talk without fighting, and he wishes I was as close to him as I am to my mom.” Abby said.

“Perfect.” Jack said. “Go ahead.”

 

Abby took a deep breath, then turned to face Sam to respond directly to him. “I’m sorry. I don’t try to fight with you. But I feel like I have to put a wall up around you. Until this last week, everything you said to me was some kind of criticism. I guess I got tired of hearing it over and over again, so I thought if you didn’t have to be nice to me, I shouldn’t have to be nice to you.”

 

Sam nodded, sad that Abby was actually making a lot of sense.

 

“I’m closer to mom because mom will talk to me. She’ll ask me why I’m upset, or angry, or frustrated and she’ll _listen_. She doesn’t try to lecture me and tell me how everything that’s wrong in my life could be fixed by working harder in school or playing video games less.”

 

 _Damn is she trying to squish me like a bug?_ Sam thought.

 

“And why do you have to get through to me? Isn’t it exhausting to have to constantly try and talk to me with something in mind? Why can’t you just have a conversation with me? Is it that hard?”

 

“Abby, slow down a little.” Jack said. “You made some good points. Is there anything else you want to say?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay. Good, really good both of you. Do you want to say anything to Abby’s response, Sam?”

 

“I think I need to think about it first. But everything she said makes sense.” Sam said. “And I’m sorry it’s been so hard for us to talk. I’ll work on that.”

 

“Do you two feel like you understand each other a little more now?” Jack asked.

 

“I do.” Abby said.

 

“Me too.” Sam said.

 

“Alright. Our time for this week’s almost up. You both have a homework assignment. I want you both to work on what you brought up this week. Sam, keep up what you were doing last week. Try to focus more on the positive things about Abby. You don’t have to completely cut out the negative things anymore, but use them very, very sparingly. Does that make sense?”

 

“I guess.”

 

“Think about it this way. When you say something to Abby that’s positive, that lifts her up, it’s like eating all her fruits and vegetables. It’s good for her. It gives her something to work on, something to focus on. Something to think about when she’s struggling or having a bad day. But when you focus on what’s wrong with her, it’s like feeding her cookies for dinner. Once in a while won’t hurt her, but you don’t want to make it a pattern or it could really hurt her. Does that make more sense?”

 

“Yeah. Actually, it does. Thanks.”

 

“Talk to her without any kind of an agenda. Let her set the tone at first, then you two can take turns deciding what to talk about. Make sense?” Sam nodded, and Jack moved on to Abby. “Abby, I want you to try and talk to your dad a little more this week too. It’ll be hard, but I want you to work on bringing that wall down. Give your dad a chance. Promise?”

 

“Promise.”

 

“One more thing. Sam, if you needed to, could you take Abby to your work with you?” Jack asked.

 

“I guess. Why?”

 

“Because next week, I want to work on you understanding Abby’s video game hobby a little more, but before we can do that, I want her to understand you a little better. Use the time you two are talking to talk about your hobbies if you want. Show her what you like to do in your spare time. But I want her to see what you do for a living, and I want you to talk to her about why you like what you do.” Jack said.

 

“I can do that.”

 

“Alright, that’s it.” Jack said. “I’ll see you guys next week.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey, guys. Welcome back.”

 

“Thanks.” Abby said.

 

As Abby and Sam sat down, Jack asked, “So, Abby, did you learn anything going to work with your dad?”

 

“Yeah, I did.”

 

“Can you tell me about it?” Jack asked.

 

“Well, I never really understood what exactly he did. I thought it sounded boring. But he really helps people that can’t help themselves. He really likes what he does for a living, and I hope I do one day too.” Abby said.

 

“Wow. Sounds like you guys had a good day.” Jack said. “Sam, you okay?”

 

“Yeah. I’m just feeling really proud to be her dad right now.”

 

Abby blushed and smiled.

 

“Good. I’m glad you two bonded over that. Did you both do your other assignment?”

 

“We did.” Sam said. “We made sure to talk every day.”

 

“How’d it go?”

 

“It was sort of awkward at first.” Abby said.

 

“How so?”

 

“The first time we tried it we just sat there for almost five minutes not saying anything. Then we just burst out laughing. We finally decided to play the favorites game.” Abby said.

 

“The favorites game?”

 

“We tried to guess each other’s favorite color, favorite song, favorite thing to do.” Abby said. “It helped us learn things about each other.”

 

“It was fun too.” Sam admitted.   
  
Abby laughed. “Yeah, it was.”

 

“You know, you guys have done much better so far than I thought you would.” Jack said. “I’m impressed.”

 

“I think you’re right.” Abby said. “I like being able to talk to him more.”

 

“I like it too, kiddo. You had a good idea.”

 

Abby smiled, still not used to Sam’s overabundance of compliments for her.

 

“Okay, let’s get down to business. We’re gonna start to dig a little deeper today. I want to talk about Abby’s gaming and why it’s so important to her.”

 

“Do we have to?” Abby asked.

 

“Yes. It’s something that’s important to you, and I think your dad needs to understand why.” Jack said.

 

“Okay.” Abby said.

 

“Now, Sam, can you tell me your biggest objection to Abby’s gaming?” Jack asked.

 

“I don’t really mind her doing it as a hobby. I just want her to focus a little more on school. Start thinking about her future, going to college and what she wants to do with her life.” Sam said.

 

Abby jumped. “Can I tell him?”

 

“Tell me what?”

 

“In a second.” Jack said. “Sam, Abby sent me an email last week after I told you guys what we were gonna talk about. I think it’s gonna be a shock for you, so I wanted to prepare you.”

 

“What the hell is going on, you two?”

 

Abby turned towards him, a serious and determined look on her face. “I don’t just play video games. I design them too. I submitted one of my games into a contest. If I win, my game goes into production and I get a scholarship for the Art Academy after high school.”

 

Jack had predicted Sam’s reaction well. He sat there, staring open-mouthed at Abby, his mouth moving up and down without saying anything. Abby, not sure how to take his silence, looked to Jack for help.

 

“Sam? Tell us what you’re thinking.” Jack said.

 

“Why wouldn’t you tell me that?” Sam asked. “Honey, that’s amazing.”

 

“After all the time you’ve spent telling me that it’s just a hobby? That there’s nothing you can do with it and it’s a waste of time? Why would I?”

 

“Honey, I’m sorry.” Sam said. “I…I don’t know what else to say.”

“Abby, you said at our first meeting that you thought your father didn’t like you very much. Has that opinion changed at all?”

 

“Some. I just wish he would have supported me more before now.” Abby said.

 

“What do you mean? I’ve always supported you.”

 

Abby scoffed. “Really? Because every time I’ve asked you if I can get a new game, I’ve had to earn the money myself. Every time I’ve lost and gotten upset, you’ve always said ‘It’s just a game, it’s not worth getting upset.’ It’s worth it to me.” Abby started to say something else, then stopped and turned to Jack. “You said you wanted to wait to talk about Kelsey.”

 

“If it relates to what you’re talking about now, it’s okay.” Jack said. “Just keep it to how you feel about gaming for right now.”

 

“It’s what I like to do. It’s what I’m good at, what I understand how to do. But I can’t get so much as a good job out of you for it. But hey, Kelsey wants to play soccer? You pay for her uniform, her physical, you go to all her games. She wants to play piano? You pay for lessons, you go to all her recitals. It’s like whatever she wants to do, you pull out your wallet and cheer her on like it’s nothing, but when I want to do something that might actually help me learn what I want to do, like go to the video game conference, you…” Abby stopped, the momentum leaving her for a moment as she struggled to sort out her feelings.

 

“What is it, Abby? Remember, we have to get everything out in the open for it to do any good.”

 

Abby was close to tears, and took a shuddering breath as she wiped her face. “You laughed at me.”

 

“What? When?” Sam asked.

 

“The night I asked you and mom if I could go to the conference. When I asked you about it, you laughed like it was a joke. And I kept trying to explain to you why it was so important for me to go. But you just kept laughing and wouldn’t listen to me. Then, even when I did earn the money to go, you still didn’t take me seriously.”

 

“How?”

 

“You took it away.” Abby said. “You told me if I earned the money, I could go, no matter what. Then you took it away when we got in that fight over my grades.”

 

Sam’s mouth was failing to work again.

 

Abby was losing the fight not to cry. “I’m nothing but a big joke to you.”

 

“Abby, that’s not true…”

 

“Sam?” Jack stopped him. “I know you don’t want to hurt Abby’s feelings, but you need to be one hundred percent honest.”

 

“I am.”

 

“No. You’re not. I can see it; you’re telling her she’s wrong because you’re afraid to hurt her. This will only work if you’re honest.” Jack said.

 

Sam sighed. “You’re right.” He turned back to Abby, who was staring intently at the floor. “Honey, you’re right. I guess I didn’t take you seriously. I thought it was just something you liked to do to relax. Even if it had been, I should never have laughed at you. But even if I didn’t take your gaming seriously, you are not a joke. You and your sister and your mom are the reason I get up in the morning. I want to get to know you better, and I promise I’ll listen to you more.”

 

“And supporting me?”

 

Sam shifted in his seat. “I don’t really understand how you want me to support you. You’re right about me paying for everything for Kelsey. I guess I could start paying…”

 

“I’m not asking for money. Just don’t act like it doesn’t mean anything to me. Wish me good luck when I start a tournament or ask me how it went when I get done. And don’t tell me ‘it’s just a game’. You wouldn’t like it if I said ‘it’s just a case’ when you lost a case, would you?”

 

“No. I wouldn’t.” Sam said.

 

“Abby, I have a question for you.” Jack said. “What do you like best when you play?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“What do you get out of it? Other than fun?” Jack asked.

 

“Well, it helps me feel better when I’ve let him down.” Abby said. “When I get a bad grade or something, and he tells me he’s disappointed, it makes me feel better.”

 

“How? How does it make you feel better?”

 

“Makes me feel like I’m actually good at something.” Abby said.

 

“Anything else?”

 

“Well, I like to read sometimes, but it’s cool to jump into another place and be able to see and do stuff rather than just read about it.” Abby explained.

 

“That’s a pretty cool reason. So, you like being in a different world? Changing things about it?”

 

“Yeah.” Abby said.

 

“I never thought about that.” Sam said. “That is pretty cool.”

 

“Really?” Abby asked, unable to believe that she might actually be turning him around on the subject.

 

“Really.”

 

“Hold on, guys. We’re not done yet.” Jack said. “Sam, I want you to remember you used the term ‘cool’ when talking about Abby’s gaming when I give you guys your homework assignment for this week. Abby, I have one more big question for you.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“When did you start feeling distant from your dad because of this?” Jack asked. “Was it a recent thing?”

 

Abby’s smile disappeared. “No.”

 

“How long has it been?”

 

Abby sighed. “I was five years old.”   


Sam’s eyes bulged. “You were five? It’s been _ten_ _years_?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Catch me up a little, here. What happened when you were five?” Jack asked.

 

“I was in the hospital. I had meningitis, and it wouldn’t go away. I was in the hospital for almost two weeks. My dad, my mom, and my uncle Dean took turns sitting with me.” Abby watched as Sam took in what she was saying. “I was bored. I couldn’t get out of bed and play, I had a hard time focusing on a book to read, I was crying because I felt so bad. My uncle Dean went out and bought me this little handheld game for kids. It helped me learn my alphabet and helped me get started learning to read.”

 

“I remember that. You wouldn’t put that thing down for a month.” Sam said.

 

“Yeah. I remember. Every time I tried to show you that I knew my alphabet now, you told me to put it away and you’d play with me then.” Abby said. “I was sick and hurting and you wouldn’t even hold me because I had ‘that thing’ in my hand.”

 

Sam’s heart was beginning to throb. He remembered well Abby being in the hospital. He’d taken time off work to be with Abby and help take care of Kelsey, and their health insurance at the time wouldn’t cover everything, so they were stuck with medical bills that seemed insurmountable. It had led to fights between Jess and Sam, and was one of the lowest points of their marriage. He remembered the night Abby was talking about. She had come home from the hospital that morning, and was still weak and frail. Sam was supposed to go back to work the next day. He hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but apparently it had bothered her more than he realized.

 

_“Abby, you’re supposed to be asleep, baby.”_

_“I tried, Daddy. Can’t sleep.” Abby said, sitting up in bed and looking at her father with glazed over eyes._

_“Oh, honey, come here.” Sam sat down next to her on the bed and started to rub her back. Then he spotted it. The video game Dean had given her, sitting in her bed, still turned on. “Abby, that’s why you can’t sleep. You’re playing games.”_

_“I was practicing my letters.” Abby protested._

_“We can practice together when I get home from work tomorrow.” Sam said, reaching over and taking the game from Abby._

_“Daddy, don’t take it, please. I’m sorry, I’ll put it away.”_

_“No,_ I _will put it away. You’ve lost it for tomorrow because I told you to go to bed and you didn’t listen. After that, it needs to be given to me or mommy before you go to bed. Understand?” Sam asked._

_“Please don’t, Daddy. I want to show you I can do it.” Abby begged again._

_“I said no, Abigail.”_

_Abby stopped and turned away from Sam. Daddy meant business when he called her Abigail. She didn’t understand why Daddy was so mad. He was always trying to make her do stuff to help her learn her letters and numbers. She thought most of it was boring. But the game that uncle Dean had gotten for her made it easy for her to learn, and she felt good about herself finally being able to get something that everyone else seemed to get faster than she did. But she didn’t know how to explain all this to Daddy, and he was too mad to listen to her now anyway._

_“Abby, come on. Let’s go to bed, sweetie.”_

_“I’ll put myself to sleep.” Abby said, trying not to cry in front of him._

_Sam was a little taken aback by her sudden attitude, but figured it was because she was sick and tired. It never crossed his mind that he might have hurt her feelings. Sam stood up, kissed her goodnight, and headed towards his own room, falling asleep long before Abby did._

“Dad?”

 

“What?” Sam asked, Abby’s voice shaking him out of his thoughts.

 

“You okay, Sam? You spaced out on us for a second.” Jack asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Sam said. “I was thinking about the day she was talking about. Baby, I’m sorry. I was exhausted and wasn’t thinking. I was worried too. I didn’t want you to get sicker from not sleeping like you should have. I just never realized how important this was to you. Honey, I can’t say I’m sorry enough. Please forgive me.”

 

“Don’t answer that quite yet, Abby.” Jack said. “I think this is a good time to give you your homework assignments.” He asked of Abby, “Do you play exclusively online with other people?”

 

“No.” Abby said. “I just started doing that a couple years ago. Most of my games are discs.”

 

“Okay, good. Do you have a game that’s good for beginners? One that’s easy for you to teach?”

 

Abby smiled. “Yeah.”

 

“I want you to teach your dad one of your games. Your assignment is to be patient with him, and help him learn how to play it completely. Doesn’t matter what it is, just make it one that you think the both of you will enjoy.” When Abby’s grin grew wider, he asked, “You already have one in mind, don’t you?”

 

“Sure do.”

 

“You guys can work that out later. Sam?” Jack turned to Sam and said, “Even though your assignment is to play a game and have fun, I want you to take it seriously. Approach this game just like you would a case. I want you to actually try and master it, not just humor Abby and sit with her for a couple hours watching her play. Got it?”

 

“Got it.” Sam said.

 

“Alright, you guys. That’s it. Sam, can you let me talk to Abby alone for a minute?” Jack asked.

 

Sam shrugged. “Sure. You remember where we parked, baby?” Abby nodded. “I’ll meet you at the car.”

 

Sam’s mind was reeling going to the car. Abby had been feeling distant from him for an entire decade, and he had been completely oblivious. Sam remembered many times trying to talk to his own father about things that meant a lot to him, and how badly it hurt when John would dismiss him. Dean’s words from the night he and Abby had decided on counselling were haunting him now. _I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’re treating her just like Dad treated you. Only this time it’s not hunting and school. It’s school and games. If she really did bust her ass the last few weeks, and she’s that close to what you wanted, let her go as long as she promises to keep it up. If you don’t, she’ll pull away from you like you pulled away from dad. Is that what you want?_ As much as Sam loved his father, he had never regretted not raising his children with the same authoritarian attitude he had. He thought that both his girls knew they could come to him with anything, and apparently that wasn’t true. _It will be from now on_ , Sam thought, before the door to the car opened.

 

“Dad? You okay?”

 

“Yeah, kiddo, I’m fine. Why?” Sam asked.

 

“You’re crying.”

 

Sam looked in the rearview mirror, and he was indeed crying. Sam wiped away the single tear going down his cheek, then reached over and grabbed Abby into a tight hug.   


“Dad?”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Sam said sincerely. “I love you so much, and I think you’re an amazing person. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before, but I do now. I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry.”

 

“I love you too, Daddy.” Abby said. “Thank you again for doing this with me.”

 

“Don’t thank me. Thank you for the idea.” Sam kissed Abby’s cheek, hugged her again, and suggested, “What do you say we get started on that assignment?”

 

“Let’s do it.” Abby said. “But, I want to say this first. That night we were talking about? I get it now why you took the video game away from me. I needed to sleep, and you had told me to go to bed. I get that, I really do. But I was upset because I’d tried so hard before then to learn my alphabet and I just couldn’t get it. I felt dumb because mom had tried so hard to teach me and I just couldn’t get it. You had been so busy taking care of the hospital stuff and taking Kelsey back and forth to school that I hadn’t seen you. I just wanted to show you I’d learned it. I wanted you to be proud of me.”

 

Sam felt another sharp splinter of guilt. “I am, baby. I am proud of you.” He came up with an idea. “You want to go for ice cream before we go home?”

 

“Won’t mom be mad? It’s almost time for dinner.”   


“You don’t tell on me, I won’t tell her you talked me into it.”

 

Abby laughed. “Deal.”

 

As he started the car, Sam asked, “Hey, what did Jack want with you?”

 

“You’ll find out next week.”


	5. Chapter 5

It was Sunday night, and Abby could hardly believe it had been a month since she and her father had argued. They’d talked, laughed, and had fun together, with no difficulty whatsoever. Due to a work emergency, Sam hadn’t been able to do the assignment that Jack had given them yet, but he’d promised that as soon as he got home Monday night ‘I’m all yours’.

 

Jess reveled in the peace. She commented to both of them how she couldn’t believe the change, and how proud she was that they were both working so hard to get along better. She knew that there was a good chance they’d end up disagreeing over something again, but she had faith that their new ways of seeing each other would keep them from falling back into their old patterns.

 

Kelsey was a bit confused by the entire thing. She avoided her sister, wondering why she suddenly felt a need to spend more time with their dad. Kelsey resented the entire thing. Their dad tried hard to provide for the family, and his rules weren’t that unreasonable. She had friends whose parents were a lot more restrictive than Sam and Jess were. The way she saw it, Abby was just trying to make Sam feel bad for no reason, and she hated that.

 

Abby did notice her sister’s worsening attitude towards her, and before they both went to sleep, she decided to confront her. Kelsey had changed into her pajamas, and was climbing into bed when Abby knocked on the door.

 

“Come in.”

 

Abby walked inside and stood next to Kelsey’s desk. “Hey, can I talk to you about something?”

 

“If you must. What’s going on?” Kelsey asked, with a barely concealed sneer.

 

“That. That’s what going on. Why are you being so bratty to me?” Abby asked. “Did I do something to you?”

 

“To me, no.”

 

When Kelsey said nothing else, Abby asked, annoyed, “Care to expand on that?”

 

Kelsey sighed, equally as annoyed as Abby. “Fine. I don’t like what you’re doing to dad.”

 

Abby went from annoyed to confused in a flash. “What am I doing to him?”

 

“You’re making him feel guilty for no reason.” Kelsey said.

 

“What? You’re mad because he and I are trying to get along better?”

 

“Yeah, actually, I am.” Kelsey said. “Dad didn’t do anything to you except try to be a dad. And you didn’t like it, so you moped and cried until he felt bad and gave in to you.”

 

“You really think that?” Abby asked. “That I’m the reason we used to fight all the time?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Abby was stung. Was it true? She and Sam had started fighting when Sam told her to do something and she didn’t like it. Was she, like her sister said, just being a brat? Was Sam only trying to improve their relationship out of a sense of guilt? Did he not really want to make things better between them? Abby said nothing else, just turned on her heels and headed back to her own bed. Sam came home a few minutes later, surprised that Abby was already in her room. He knocked on the door and asked cheerfully,

 

“Hey, you. How was your day?”

 

“Okay.” Abby said quietly.

 

“You sure? You sound kinda quiet. Anything you want to talk about?”

 

Abby looked up and pleaded. “If I ask you a question, you promise to tell me the truth?”

 

“Of course I will. Honey, what’s going on?” Sam asked, walking inside and sitting at her bed.

 

“Are you only going to therapy with me because you feel like you have to?” Abby asked.

 

“What? Where did this come from?” Sam asked.

 

“Please just answer the question.”   


“Honey, I’m doing this with you because I want us to have a better relationship. I want to be close to you. I _want_ it. I’m not doing it out of obligation.” Sam said. “Okay?”

 

Abby nodded. “Yeah.”

 

“Now, will you be honest with me? Tell me where you got that from.”

 

Abby didn’t want to tattle on her sister, but she didn’t want to damage her newfound closeness with Sam either. “I got in an argument with Kelsey while you were at work. She said it was my fault we fought like we did and you were only doing this because you had to.”

 

“She what?” Sam asked.

 

“She hasn’t been talking to me since we started to go see Jack.” Abby explained. “I went to her room tonight and asked her why. She said she didn’t like what I was doing to you, making you feel bad for just being a dad and moping and crying until you gave in to me.”

 

“KELSEY MARIE WINCHESTER! GET IN HERE!” Sam called into the hallway from his spot on Abby’s bed.

 

Abby jumped, then grabbed Sam’s arm. “Dad, please don’t yell at her.”

“Abby, she’s not going to make you feel bad for this.” Sam said.

 

“Yeah, but you and I are going to counselling so we can be honest about how we’re feeling and work on making things better between us. If we yell at Kelsey for just trying to tell us how she feels, that’s not fair.” Abby said. “Just promise me you won’t yell at her.”

 

Sam softened his expression, amazed at how forgiving Abby was. “I promise.”

 

Kelsey appeared at the door, slightly nervous. “Yeah?”

 

“Come here.” Sam said. “Sit down.” Kelsey took a nervous seat almost a foot away from her dad. “Closer.” Sam said, gently pulling her to him. When she was finally close enough that he could pull an arm around her shoulder, he pulled Abby to him and did the same. “Listen to me, Kelsey. I appreciate you looking out for me. I really do. But I am working things out with your sister because I want to, not because she guilted me into it. It is _not_ all her fault that things got bad between me and her. I’m partially responsible for that, too. Understand me?”

 

“Yes.” Kelsey said quietly.

 

“And while I do appreciate you sticking up for me, I do _not_ appreciate you making her feel bad for this. I’m not doing anything with her or for her that I wouldn’t do for you too. Now, is there anything on your mind that you want to talk about?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have I ever made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me?” Sam asked.

 

“No.”

 

“Then why did you say that to your sister?”

 

“It sounds petty.” Kelsey said.

 

“If it’s how you honestly feel, it’s not petty.” Sam said. “We can’t work anything out if we’re not honest with each other.”

 

Kelsey sighed. “I was worried you wouldn’t want to have as much to do with me if you and Abby got better. I felt like she was trying to take you away from me.”

 

Despite his earlier promise, Sam felt himself growing angry at Kelsey. He wanted to say _You are seventeen. A senior in high school. You’re old enough to know better than this._ But before he could say anything, Abby stopped him.

 

“Kessy? I’m not trying to take Dad from you. I just want him to be my dad too. And I’m scared if he and I don’t work on this, that we’re gonna fight so much we’ll end up not talking again.” Abby said, using the nickname for Kelsey she’d come up with as a baby. “I don’t want that to happen.”

 

Kelsey smiled. “Me neither. I’m sorry, Abby.”

 

Abby smiled. “Hey, now that we’re both getting along with dad, we can tag team him. He says no to one of us, the other one can ask.”

 

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.” Sam said. “Are we all okay?”

 

“Yeah. We’re okay.” Abby said.

 

“We’re good.” Kelsey agreed.

 

“Good. I don’t have to work tomorrow, and you’re not in school. You want to start teaching me that game tonight?”

 

“Sure!” Abby said.

 

“Okay. You set up while I grab a quick shower. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

 

“Deal.”

 

“Abby? Can I join you guys?” Kelsey asked.

 

“Sure, Kessy. Come on.”

 

Abby took her gaming system out of her room and took it to the living room, hooking it up to the TV in record time. She showed Kelsey how to do it in case Kelsey ever wanted to play on her own. Jess even joined in, and before going to bed much later than was normal for any of them, Abby congratulated her dad for doing such a great job. Sam’s response of ‘I had a great teacher’ But as she started to fall asleep, she felt troubled. She pulled out her diary from underneath her pillow and turned to the last page. After Sam settling the argument she’d had with Kelsey earlier, she felt bad dragging this up. She considered pulling the page out, ripping it up, and telling Jack that she forgot to do it. Only Sam’s words from earlier stopped her from doing it.

 

_If it’s how you honestly feel, it’s not petty. We can’t work anything out if we’re not honest with each other._

_Please don’t be mad or hurt because of this, Dad._ Abby thought, putting the diary back under her pillow and going to sleep.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Abby had been quiet all day long, and was grateful that everyone was busy so that she wasn’t being pestered with constant questions of ‘what’s wrong?’, ‘are you okay?’, and ‘do you want to talk about it?’. Sam noticed as he drove towards Jack’s office, but left it alone, figuring that if it was something having to do with their counselling, he should let it wait until they were in the office. When they were finally sitting down, Jack started the session.

 

“Alright, guys. How’d it go last week?”

 

“I had a lot of fun.” Sam said.

 

“Really? Abby, how’d your dad do?”

 

Abby had been holding her diary in her hand, listening to Jack and Sam talk small talk. Both men noticed how unnaturally quiet she was. Abby didn’t respond, just fiddled with her diary for a few more seconds before Jack finally broke the silence.

 

“Abby?”

 

“W-what?” Abby asked, spooked.

 

“You’re really quiet. Is something going on?”

 

Abby nodded. “Yeah. I, um, I’ve been thinking about that list you asked me to make.”

 

“List? What list?” Sam asked.

 

“You want me to tell him, Abby?” Abby nodded, and Jack explained, “Sam, I was planning to talk this week about Abby’s feelings towards you and her sister. So, I asked her to make a list of how she feels you treat Kelsey differently than her.”

 

“Oh.” Sam said, deflating.

 

Abby turned to Sam and explained, “You’ve been trying so hard, I don’t want to make you feel bad by dragging this up again.”

 

“Honey, you won’t.” Sam said.

 

“Abby, why are you so reluctant? Did something happen this week?” Jack asked.

 

“Yeah. My sister and I got into an argument over me and Dad coming here. She said I guilted him into it and that he only came because I moped and cried ‘til he gave in to me.” Abby said.

 

“I see. Sam, is that true?” Jack asked.

 

“No. Abby, I meant it. I’m doing this with you because I want to. It’s working, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“So why are you so afraid to do this?” Sam said.

 

“Because of the way you settled that argument. When you told Kelsey she was wrong and that you’d do anything for both of us.”

 

“That’s true. That will always be true. But I have a feeling I’ve been doing other things that bother you, right? Things you may not have told me about?” Sam asked.

 

Abby reluctantly nodded.

 

“I can’t change what I don’t know, sweetheart. I _need_ you to tell me, okay?”

 

“Abby, I can’t force you to do this. But you and your dad really have made a lot of progress these last few weeks. I want it to continue, but we have to talk about this for that progress to continue. Does that make sense?” Jack asked.

 

“Yeah, it does.” Abby said.

 

“Just take a deep breath, and take your time.” Jack encouraged.

 

Abby took the deep breath, then opened her diary to the list she’d prepared. “Well, mostly I feel like Kelsey’s your favorite.”

 

“Honey…”

 

“Sam.” Jack interrupted gently. “Let her get it out. It’s too hard to explain how you’re feeling when someone’s trying to tell you why it’s not true. Just let her finish and then you can respond.”

 

Sam nodded. “Sorry, sweetie. Go ahead.”

 

“Well, you’re always there for Kelsey to talk to. You’ll let her sit in your office with you and talk to her while you work. If I try and get your attention, I have to wait for you to finish what you’re doing, then you’ll push me aside and let her interrupt us.”

 

Sam was silent, letting Kelsey’s words settle in his brain.

 

“Until Sunday night, if I got in an argument with Kelsey, you always took her side. When mom steps in because we’re arguing, she’ll listen to both of us. She’ll help us work it out. But you’ll just assume that I did something to aggravate her and get on me for the fight. Then you wonder why I don’t like to talk to you or to her; it’s because I don’t want to be accused of doing something I didn’t do.”

 

Sam remembered lecturing Abby many times about annoying Kelsey, telling her to leave Kelsey alone and stop bothering her, only to end up getting annoyed himself when Abby protested and tried to give her side. Over time, Sam had noticed that she stopped protesting, and would just sit there with her arms crossed in a huff as Sam told her how annoying she was being and should stop and mind her own business.

 

 _When the hell did I stop trying to listen to you?_ Sam wondered. _Did I ever really listen?_

But Abby wasn’t done. “You won’t hug me.”

 

“What?” Sam asked. “Of course I hug you.”

 

“When I ask, or when I give you one first. But you’re always giving Kelsey a hug or a kiss that she doesn’t have to ask for. But I can be sitting there in tears and you’ll just wait until mom jumps in.” Abby sniffed, and shifted in her seat slightly. “I just don’t get it. I mean, I get it that you can’t read my mind. If I don’t tell you something’s bothering me you can’t help. But if you won’t even try to help me feel better when I’m crying, why would I tell you anything when I’m not?”

 

Sam swallowed against the hard lump forming in his throat. The image he had crafted inside his mind of himself as a strict but caring father was very carefully coming apart in his mind. He did care about Abby. He loved her more than he knew how to describe. He remembered holding her after she’d been born, thinking to himself _Daddy will always love you. And I’ll never, ever make you doubt it_. When had he started falling down on the job? He realized with a deep, painful shame that he didn’t remember the last time he’d hugged Abby before they’d begun counselling. She had hugged him when he’d said she could go to the conference, and he’d hugged her once, the week before in the car.

 

 _Stop lying to yourself,_ Sam thought. He’d stopped hugging Abby because it felt to Sam like she didn’t want it. It was her mother she sought out when she was upset, or scared, or hurt, and Sam had figured it was her mother’s hug and comfort that she wanted. But he hadn’t even bothered to check. He’d subconsciously passed all the responsibility for their relationship on to Abby. It had become her job to say _Hey, Dad, I need you to be a Dad for a minute._ Abby was his child, and he had made her believe it was up to her whether or not he did what he was supposed to do in the first place-make her feel loved, cared for, and wanted.

 

Sam remembered how badly he’d wanted nothing more than some sign growing up that his father loved him. He’d often wondered how John would’ve reacted to Sam walking to him and wrapping his arms around John’s waist in a hug, without any kind of an explanation. As a small child, John had hugged him whenever Sam initiated the hug, but Sam could not remember a single time that John had grabbed him and squeezed him and told him he loved him. But he had never had the courage to try it, out of fear of any show of affection being rejected. Did Abby think that Sam would reject her? The thought made him sick to the stomach.

 

“Abby? Is that everything?” Jack asked.

 

“I just want to understand.”

 

“Understand what?”

 

“What it is about Kelsey that makes him jump up and want to care for her and make sure she’s happy. So that maybe…” Abby took a shuddering breath and started fiddling with the bottom of her shirt. She had to be gently prompted by Jack again. “Maybe I can copy her and he’ll want to care about me too.”

 

The lump in his throat got more painful, and Sam felt his heart constrict. Another way he’d turned into his father-making Abby believe she needed to be more like Kelsey to be accepted. _Sammy, just try harder. Be more like your brother._ The thought crossed his mind of what would have happened if Abby had just allowed her resentment to simmer. He wondered how close he had been to Abby leaving the family as he had, frustrated, hurt, and scared, and wondering if her father cared about her. Sam had resisted any implication that he was anything like his father before, but now it couldn’t be denied. He decided to change that. Instead of turning and running in failure, he wiped his eyes of the tears that threatened to spill out.

 

“Sam…” Jack said. “You’re up.”

 

“Oh, Dad…” Abby took one look at her father’s tear stained face and shook her head. “I told you I didn’t want to do this.”

 

“Abby, just hear him out.” Jack said.

 

“NO!” Abby almost shouted in frustration. “He’s crying…”   


“I’m crying because I’m disappointed in myself.” Sam said, and Abby immediately calmed down. “Because I promised you when you were born that I would be a much better father to you than my father was to me. I understand what it is to feel like your Dad doesn’t understand you. Like he doesn’t want or need you around. And that hurts. It’s never gone away with me, and I swore that I’d never do it to you.”

 

“Dad…” Abby said, still feeling terrible about pointing out Sam’s flaws when he’d worked so hard the last few weeks.

 

“Abby. He let you finish. He deserves the same.” Jack reminded her.

 

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I let things get like this. But let me make one thing very clear to you. I don’t think your mom and I have ever told you this. We planned to only have one child. And when your sister was born, we thought we were happy. But something was missing.”

 

“What was it?” Abby asked.

 

Sam smiled. “You, kiddo. It was you. And we didn’t even know until after you got here. But it was only once we got you home that we realized that were a family now.”

 

“I didn’t know that.” Abby said, finally smiling.

“I’m so sorry you didn’t.” Sam said. “And you’re right, baby. I can’t know something’s wrong if you don’t talk to me. But I promise you that if you _do_ trust me enough to talk to me, I won’t just pass you off to your mom. And if I see you crying, I won’t leave you alone again.”

 

Abby nodded.  
  
“And as for letting Kelsey interrupt us? Baby, I’m sorry. I just didn’t notice that. I didn’t do it on purpose, but that’s no excuse. I swear, if you need me, you’ll have my full attention. If Kelsey tries to break in, she’ll have to wait her turn.”

 

“What if you’re busy? Doing paperwork or doing something for a client?” Abby asked. “I can’t always tell if you’re working on something and really need to concentrate or if you can talk to me and work at the same time.”

 

Sam frowned. Even talking about the ways he’d hurt her, Abby was still thinking of him before herself. “Can I tell you a secret?”

 

“Sure.” Abby said.

 

“Usually Kelsey just needs to talk. I don’t even hear half of what she says.”

 

Abby’s mouth dropped in surprise. “Really?”

 

Sam chuckled. “Yeah. Your sister’s really extroverted. She has a lot of energy, and she just needs to talk sometimes and get stuff off her chest.”

 

“Wow. She loves going to your office.”

 

“I know she does. And that’s why I’ve never stopped her.” Sam admitted. “But you know, if you wanted to come, you could.”

 

Abby shook her head. “No. I don’t want to bother you at work.”

 

“You wouldn’t. Remember that day we worked together? I had fun. Didn’t you?”

 

“Yeah. I did.”

 

“There you go. But I promise, if you do come, and there’s something we really need to talk about, I’ll listen. Really listen. If I’m working on something for an important case, and I can’t give you the attention you need, I’ll come find you the first second I can. Deal?”

 

“Deal.” Abby said.

 

 “Kelsey is not my favorite. I love you both, differently but equally. And I will work as hard as I can to make you believe that. Okay?”

 

“Okay.” Abby said. “I love you too, Dad.”

 

“Can I give you one of the hugs that I should have given you before?”

 

Abby smiled, got up and walked over to Sam, then decided to do something she hadn’t done since she was a little girl. Before he had a chance to get up to hug her, Abby climbed into his lap and flung both arms around his neck. It was slightly awkward with Abby’s long thin legs, but she did it anyway. Sam, surprised but pleased, was transported back to her younger days, when he would come home from work and have two very eager toddlers clamoring up his leg for a little time with Daddy. A hint of sadness snuck in when he realized that, with the exception of severe illness and bad dreams, Abby had been in diapers when he’d last held her like this. He’d allowed Jess to take over most of the responsibility-no, the privilege-of comforting and soothing Abby, and he was being given a second chance.

 

“Wow.” Jack said from his desk.

 

“What?” Sam asked, still holding Abby.

 

“You guys didn’t even need me today.” Jack said.

 

“Don’t be dumb.” Abby said, sitting up and smiling at him. “We never would’ve gotten this far without you.”

 

“That’s true.” Sam said.

 

“Well, I hate to break you two up, but time’s just about over.”

 

“We’ve been here an hour already?” Abby asked.

 

“Close to it.” Jack said. “You ready for your assignments?”

 

“Yeah.” Abby said.

 

“Okay. I want you both to spend fifteen minutes talking every day. Go somewhere with no interruptions. No video games, no cell phones, no nothing. Sit in the car if you have to, but spend fifteen minutes talking.”

 

“Didn’t we do that the week before last?” Abby asked.

 

“We did. That got you guys started on the path of talking to each other like you need to. But with everything you’ve talked about today, I want you to do it again. Okay?”

 

“Okay.” Abby and Sam said at the same time.

 

“Sam, this is what I want you to do. I want you to take both your girls out somewhere. Doesn’t matter where, just spend some quality time with the both of them at some point this week. Make sure you tell Kelsey what you said to Abby today about loving both of them differently but equally.” Jack said.

 

“Will do.” Sam said.

 

“Okay. See you guys next week.”

 

**Next Chapter: Sam risks undoing all the progress he and Abby have made when she comes home an hour late from curfew.**

 


	7. Chapter 7

Sam and Jess were panicking. It was Saturday night, 11:26pm. Kelsey was at a sleepover, and Abby’s curfew was 10:30. Abby had made friends with the daughter of one of the lawyers from Sam’s firm. The girl was older than Abby, eighteen as opposed to fifteen, but she seemed to Sam to be a good kid. Abby so very rarely wanted to go out and have fun that Sam and Jess had easily agreed.

 

“Sam, this isn’t like her. I’m getting worried.” Jess said, knee bouncing up and down as she watched the window waiting for Abby’s return.

 

“I know, if she’s not home in five minutes, I’m going out looking…”

 

At exactly that moment, the front door opened and Abby stepped through. Sam had to count to fifteen while taking deep breaths in order to stop himself from shouting. Jess’s first reaction was relief, and she saw Sam’s shoulders tense up. Abby waved out the front door, yelled goodbye to her friend, shut the door, and then took her shoes off.

 

“Hi, guys.” Abby said with a smile, still oblivious to any impending doom.

 

“Hi, guys?” Sam said, voice wavering as he spoke. Jess took his hand and squeezed it to help him stay calm. Sam squeezed her hand back, but remained firm and just the slightest bit angry. “Where exactly have you been?”

 

Confused, Abby said, “I was at the movies with Chloe. You said I could go, remember?”

 

“You were supposed to be home at 10:30, Abby.” Jess said. “You’re an hour late.”

 

“Mom, I called.” Abby said. “I swear I called _and_ texted. Ten times.”

 

“My phone’s been on the coffee table the entire night. It hasn’t gone off. Try again. Why are you so late?”

 

“I told you.” Abby said, unable to believe they were so easily falling back into the pattern of arguing again. “I called and texted. There was a huge accident on the way home that had traffic at a crawl.”

 

“A car accident is exactly what we were about happening to you!” Sam said, and Abby flinched and backed away. “You’re grounded for two weeks, Abby.”

 

“That’s totally unfair! It’s not my fault you didn’t answer your phone!” Abby shouted.

 

“Abby, if you had called, I would have answered.” Sam said.

 

“Why don’t you believe me?” Abby asked, hurt. “I can prove I called.”

 

“Okay, prove it.” Sam said.

 

Abby pulled out her mother’s cell phone, which she had been given when she went out.  She had never really wanted her own cell phone, despite the slight teasing she got from her classmates about it. She never really left the house, and was happy with her games, her art supplies, and her bedroom. She opened the text messages and showed her father the four that she’d sent to him. Sam’s face fell, and he held on to hope that he hadn’t just yelled at Abby and accused her of something she didn’t do. When Sam said nothing, Abby walked over and grabbed his cell phone off the coffee table. She pressed two buttons and showed the front screen to Sam.

 

“It never rang, huh? These must be from ghosts, then.”

 

Sam wished he could crawl through the floor. Sure enough, there were notifications where Abby had not only called him, but texted and left voicemails. _Dad, I tried to call but you’re not picking up. it’s fifteen minutes before I’m supposed to be home, but there’s a huge accident that’s backing up traffic for miles. I’ll be home as fast as I can._ Three more messages just like it were there. Sam saw the problem immediately. He had turned his phone to silent when he went to a meeting just before leaving work, and apparently had never turned it back up. Abby put her mother’s phone in Jess’s hand and said bitterly,

 

“I’ve been home for ten minutes. Let’s just call it fifteen and call it a night.”

 

Abby slumped towards her room, devastated that Sam so quickly decided not to trust her after working so hard the last few weeks. She didn’t even bother changing into her pajamas, just laid down on her bed and stared angrily at the wall, as if it had angered her personally.

 

Back in the living room, Sam had never felt so low. He sat on the living room couch, head in his hands, wondering how to fix this massive screw up. If it even could be fixed. The fragile peace between him and Abby was getting stronger, but it was still on fragile ground. Jess felt her own guilt, but she was more worried about Sam. She took her seat next to him on the couch and took his arm.

 

“She’ll forgive you. She’ll forgive both of us. We just have to go apologize.”

 

“She accused me in Jack’s office Friday of taking Kelsey’s side every time they have an argument. She said that she stopped talking to me and Kelsey because she didn’t want to be accused of something she didn’t do.” Sam said.

 

“Oh, Sam.”

 

Jess was heartbroken. She’d seen Sam cry before. One particular incident stuck out in her mind. Abby had been five years old, and feeling sick for days. She’d finally woken up in the middle of the night with an unbelievably high fever, confused, nauseous and vomiting. When she had finally been taken to be seen by a doctor, Abby had wept as she was examined, and Sam had rushed out of the room. Jess had initially been angry he’d left her alone. Only when he came back into the room did she realize why he’d fled. His face was wet with almost as many tears as Abby had shed, and Jess had never forgotten his explanation.

 

“I just never thought I’d ever love someone like I do her. And it was killing me listening to her cry like that when I couldn’t do anything about it. I’m sorry.”

 

 As painful as that had been, when the lone tear slipped down his face at the thought that he’d let Abby down again, Jess felt something else. She felt blessed. Blessed to have a man with such a tender heart towards not only her, but their children too. Jess took his hand and told him lovingly,

 

“Listen to me, Samuel Winchester. I told you when you started this that it wouldn’t be all sunshine and roses. That it might get worse before it got better. But you are an amazing father, an amazing husband, and the best man I have ever known. You and I both made a mistake tonight. If we tell her we’re sorry, and we mean it, she will forgive the both of us. But sitting here wallowing isn’t going to fix it. So are you ready?”

 

Sam smiled. “What would I do without you?”

 

“Crash and burn.” Jess smiled back.

 

They shared a quick kiss, then walked towards Abby’s room. Abby was lying on top of her bed, still in her clothes, staring at the wall. Jess knocked on the door, and Abby took her time sitting up to face her parents.

 

“Can we come in?”

 

“Sure.” Abby said.

 

Sam took a seat on her bed in front of her, while Jess sat next to her. Jess wrapped an arm around Abby’s shoulder. While Abby didn’t pull away, she didn’t hug Jess either. She had yet to look at either of them.

 

“Abby, baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you when you got home. I should’ve actually asked you what happened and listened, and I should have looked at my phone when you were late. I was worried about you, but that’s not an excuse. I’m sorry, kiddo.”

 

“I wasn’t trying to worry you. That’s why I was trying to get in touch with you so much. Chloe and I were going as fast as we could.”

 

“I know, sweetie. I believe you. I really am sorry.” Sam said. “Can we start over? Please?”

 

Abby surprised herself when she smiled and nodded. “Sure.”

 

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, honey. I know you said you didn’t want to, but can we do our fifteen minutes now?”

 

“Yes, please. I didn’t mean that. I was just mad.”

 

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Jess said. “I’m sorry too, sweetie.”

 

“It’s okay, mom.” Abby said. She then got an idea. “Dad? I know Jack said it needed to be just us, but can mom stay this time? I want to ask you both about something.”

 

“Sure.” Sam said. “What do you want to know?”

 

Abby looked up to her mom and asked, “Dad told me you guys only planned for one kid. Is that true?”

 

“It is.” Jess said.

 

“So if you only planned for one, why’d you have me?” Abby asked. Realizing how the question sounded, Abby clarified, “I don’t mean that to sound bad. I’m not upset or anything. I’m just curious. Why’d you decide to have another baby?”

 

“Well…” Jess said. “I didn’t really decide it. We didn’t really _decide_ to have another kid. I went to the doctor one day and there you were.”

 

“I was an accident?” Abby asked with a slight smile. “Oops.”

 

“No. You weren’t an accident.” Sam said. “You were a surprise. The best surprise we’ve ever gotten.”

 

“I’ll second that.” Jess said.

 

“You guys have never really told me what happened when I was born.” Abby said.

 

Jess snorted, and Sam looked embarrassed.

 

“What?”

 

“Well, your dad had been working when I went into labor with Kelsey. I was already at the hospital when he found me. But with you, I was at home with your sister and I didn’t have the  phone on me. Kelsey had to call your father and tell him what was going on.” Jess said.

 

“Why’s that so funny?” Abby said. “What did she say?”

 

“She told me your mom was trying to poop you out, and I needed to get home because she didn’t want to clean it off the floor.”

 

Abby collapsed into a fit of giggles, and the three of them talked long past the fifteen minute mark. Only when Abby was sleeping did Sam and Jess prepare to leave. Sam leaned over and kissed Abby’s cheek, taking a moment to stroke her hair and take a long look at her.

 

“Sweet dreams, my little surprise.”


End file.
